The Christmas season is supposed to be the happiest time of year – at least according to popular culture. Carols like “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of Year” proclaim Christmas cheer, while advertisements show happy people enjoying seemingly perfect holidays. People post their good news (but not their bad news) on Facebook and cheery Christmas card letters idealize families’ lives.

But ironically,
right when our culture says people should feel happiest, they actually feel the
unhappiest. A lot of that unhappiness comes from realizing that their lives are
far from the blissful state so often portrayed in cultural ideals of Christmas
magic. The images of smiling people on Christmas cards and the overly effusive
social media posts remind those going through tough times about how unhappy
they feel and pressure them to feel better. When they don’t, frustration about
missing out on Christmas cheer makes them feel even worse.

Yet, on the
first Christmas, the angel who announced Jesus’ birth declared: “…I
bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people…” (Luke 2:10).
Great
joy? For everyone?

Even when you’re
unhappy, you can still experience joy this Christmas. That’s because happiness
and joy are different – even though the two terms are used interchangeably in
pop culture. Happiness is based on circumstances, so you can only feel happy in
good situations. Joy, however, doesn’t depend on good circumstances. It’s based
on your relationship with a good God, which you can rely on even during bad
circumstances. You can experience Christmas joy even in the midst of
unhappiness. Here’s how:

1. Learn from those who experienced the original Christmas.

Life wasn’t
exactly going well for the people in the biblical Christmas story. Joseph and
Mary were away from the comforts of their Nazareth home, obligated to go to
Bethlehem for a government census, which forced them into crowded and
unsanitary conditions. Since there was no room for them to stay in Bethlehem’s
inn, they had to sleep in a stable with animals – and Mary had to give birth
there. The shepherds who would witness the angel make history’s most joyful
announcement were also dealing with tough circumstances. Working long hours yet
still living in poverty, the shepherds had to endure mistreatment from other
people who considered them less important just because of their humble
profession. Experiencing all of that stress surely made these biblical people
unhappy.

Yet in their unhappiness, they still trusted God. It was their choice to keep
relying on God during unhappy circumstances that opened doors in their souls to
experience joy. Through trust, they kept their connections to God strong so
they could receive the joy that only comes from God. You can do the same!

2. Give and receive forgiveness. 

Carrying around bitterness in your soul will make you unhappy. Thankfully, forgiveness frees you from bitterness, making it possible for you to experience the joy God wants to give you. God calls everyone who truly loves him to give and receive forgiveness. “Forgive as the Lord forgave you,” Colossians 3:13 urges.

It’s vital to
accept God’s forgiveness, forgive those who have hurt you, and ask those whom
you have hurt for their forgiveness. Only then will the burden of bitterness go
away, freeing you to receive the full amount of joy God is hoping you’ll
discover. Keep in mind that God will empower you throughout the forgiveness
process if you’re willing to forgive. Think about people with whom you have
unresolved conflict or against whom you’re currently holding a grudge.

Forgiveness
doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing what happened, but it does mean trusting
God to handle the situation from now on. Pray about it, letting it go into God’s
care. If you can communicate with the person, tell him or her that you’ve
chosen to forgive. Now think about your own mistakes and pray about those,
receiving God’s forgiveness and forgiving yourself because God has forgiven
you. Contact people who you’ve hurt through your mistakes, asking them to
forgive you, as well.

3. Do something
creative. 

Creativity
promotes joy. A plethora of research studies have linked creative activities to
happy feelings. For instance, a 2014 study from the University of North
Carolina-Greensboro revealed that people were most likely to be doing something
creative like cooking meals or drawing pictures when they felt happy.

4. Pursue wonder. 

Nurturing a
sense of wonder will often bring you into contact with joyful moments. Wonder
enlarges your perspective so you can notice more of God’s work in your life,
which gives you reasons to celebrate!

Jesus declares in Luke 18:17 that “…anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Children pursue wonder by learning with open hearts and minds. Start each day with openness, eager to learn what God wants to teach you. Stay in frequent contact with God during each day and night, through prayer. Then you’ll discover lots of wonder this Christmas that will bring joy into your life.

5. Serve others. 

Turn your struggle with unhappiness into service to people in need this Christmas season. In the process, your focus will change from a preoccupation with your own problems to joy as God works through you to change the world for the better.

Isaiah 61:3
promises that God will “provide for those who grieve” by
turning bad situations around to something good: “to bestow on them a crown of
beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment
of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” God can use your sorrow
to develop more compassion in you – and when you act on that compassion by
helping others, you open doors for joy to flow into their lives and your own!

No matter how unhappy you
may feel this Christmas, God wants to give you the gift of joy. So let God hand
it to you. Then rip off the wrapping paper, open the box, and enjoy celebrating
with your loving heavenly father!

Whitney Hopler